i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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