Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
