I didn't shave. On purpose
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
