the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He passed out mid-signature
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
