i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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