i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
