This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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