She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
