i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
