Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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