also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize