he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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