I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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