i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
