oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
where am i from again
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
