So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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