I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
