There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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