I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
