At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
