yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
