wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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