I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
