Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
