Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
