I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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