You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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