Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
