I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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