i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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