my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my shit smells like andre
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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