no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
