I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
