mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
