The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
