You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
