you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
