Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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