So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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