fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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