No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
