Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
