My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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