You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
