im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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