I hate your face
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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