Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Panties = found
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
