he puts the penis in happiness.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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