im six kinds of drunk right now
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how drunk are you?
Several
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
