ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
time to smoke my breakfast
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
