Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
