after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
