I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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