i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
