Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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