Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
