i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
