I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
