Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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