Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You dont lie about slip and slides
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
