why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize