Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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