Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
