wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
