i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
