And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
