you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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