If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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