just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
