We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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